Ghostwriting College Essays?!
Introduction and Disclaimer
Don’t worry, I’m not a real ghostwriter; I’m much too proud to withhold the taking of credit for my own productions. Rather, I’m just an educator.
The word educate, however, stems from the same etymological source as the word educe, which means to develop within or to bring out. Sometimes, to develop within and also bring out a student’s best writing, an educator must put some of his or her own experience into the system.
That’s why I write several of my own fake (and often fatuous) college essays for my students’ consumption each year. After all, I wouldn’t ask my students to do something that I wouldn’t do myself. Moreover, by now, I have a deep and wide repository of my own example essays that contain my own writing decisions, along with my own notes and memories—and sometimes videos—about those decisions, which I use to inspire similar or fresh linguistic constructions that my students can employ or jump off from in their own writing.
Below is one of those silly fake college essays for your enjoyment. But first, a sneak peak into what KYBO Club members get unlimited access to…
The following video is the behind the scenes footage of the writing of the first paragraph. The remainder of the video will be a KYBO Club member exclusive.
In not so rare form
essays
The finished “product”
Ten thousand feet above sea level, I peer out the open door. Man’s best friend fastened safely to my chest, I give him one last scratch of the ear—a comforting reminder that we’ve got this. Our instructor fires off familiar hand signals, as the environment is not conducive to verbal communication. Arlo’s intelligence and vocabulary being what it is, he issues what is almost surely two nods of understanding, first to the instructor, then up at me. Mumbling a prayer under my breath, I remind myself of all the times I’ve practiced this very routine. Looking down at Arlo, however, I’m reminded that this is his first official jump.
Let me back up a bit before you get ahead of yourself and report me to the ASPCA or The Humane Society. Dogs are incredible. Think about K9 officers, firehouse dogs, and service dogs of all kinds. Did you know there are dogs who can sniff out cancer? This may have been Arlo’s first skydiving jump, but it was not his first rodeo.
I distinctly remember the day Arlo came home. I was eleven years old, freshly “graduated” from fifth grade. They called it a graduation, but I knew better. I knew I had seven years to go, and I remember having a conversation with my mom that morning, one that left me quite despondent. Knowing that school “wasn’t my thing,” but recognizing my hunger for knowledge and productive participation in the world, my mom made a plan. As far as I could tell, however, my dad was not approving of said plan. I remember hearing a heated conversation that ended abruptly with my mom leaving the house. Some hours later, she returned—with a rescued blue heeler terrier mutt in tow.
Knowing the order of things in my home, I looked to my father to parrot his initial reaction. A dog person at heart, he not-so-reluctantly got down on his knees, letting the dog nearly slurp his face off. I could tell, even at my young age, that my father was foreseeing this new addition to the family as entirely his own burden to take on. As a growing young man, I vowed to myself not to let that be the case. I immediately hopped on Google—a perk of growing up in this modern world—and scoured every dog training resource I could find. I needed a high-frequency whistle, a behavior-encouraging clicker, and single-ingredient liver treats. Mom, knowing what I was up to, as if it were her plan all along, added to what became an egregious transaction, including, but not limited to, a crate, a comfy bed, and all the toys little Arlo could want.
Not six years later, I now successfully run a local service dog training company, and I regularly help a local skydiving outfit train military veterans for their first jumps as part of one of my three non-profit organizations. My next adventure will be a foray into dog skydiving camps across the country. I will need to take a break, of course, for my studies—supposing you, dear admissions officer, take a risk on a new addition to your academic family: me.
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